đ§¨How to Become Dangerous: Take Back Control and Live by Design
We all have plans and things that we want to do. Learning a new skill, trying out a new hobby, starting out a new project or business. But most times, these just ideas just stay as they are - ideas. They never become anything. The most common excuses you hear are:
âLife got in the way.â
âI didnât have time.â
âIâm so unlucky.â
Up until 2023, I used to live like this, saying that I was unlucky and that I wasnât at fault. I was miserable, because I didnât do the things that really âpushed the needleâ in my life. I was living by default. Since then, Iâve changed and have more autonomy in my life, waking up thinking about how I can conquer the day. So in this post, I want to talk about how I changed my mindset and became more dangerous, so to speak.
âŹLiving life by default
Living life by default means that you have little to no autonomy of what happens in your life. You believe that there is an external locus of control and that your success is determined by external factors beyond your control. People say that âlife got in the way,â and leave things at that. Some people might blame their life circumstances, saying that theyâre just unlucky or hope for the perfect moment to make a change in their life. While the Stoics say that about 80% of things that happen in your life are beyond your control, you can exert some influence to work towards your goals and live a more intentional life.
đ¨Living life by design
When you live by design, you believe that you have an internal locus of control. This means that you believe that your actions have some influence of your circumstances. For example, you might decide to be healthy by avoiding junk food and packing lunch from home. This way, you are actively choosing to live healthily and taking responsibility for yourself, in this case, your health. Studies have shown that people with an internal locus of control [take responsibility for their actions] live happier, more fulfilling lives than those with an external locus of control [blame others, circumstance or bad luck for their failures]. Living life by design requires you to take ownership and responsibility for your actions, which most people do not want to do or admit to (I was one of them).
âď¸3 tips to have more control over your life
đ1. Just start
What is that one big thing that youâve been putting off? Pursuing a hobby? Starting that project? Getting in shape? We all have something. Hereâs the thing: The first thing you need to do is to just start. It seems basic but so many of us are paralyzed by fear to make a start. We procrastinate by saying that weâll start later, that we need to do research first. We are so scared of making a mistake and looking dumb in front of everyone. But hereâs the key; you just need to start and allow yourself to make mistakes. No-one starts out perfectly. Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo did not start out playing soccer perfectly. They just started practising, stayed consistent with their training and became better. This isnât to say that you should aim to be the worldâs best in your pursuits, but to be the best version of yourself and see yourself improve overtime. You will make mistakes along the way and your initial plan wonât be ground-breaking. But as long as you take the first step by just starting and then adjusting along the way, you are making progress.
âď¸2. Stick with it
Once you start, you need to become consistent. You do this by just showing up, again and again. Ideally, commit yourself to just 1 week and see what happens. Then, once you reach 1 week, make it 4 weeks. You wonât see results immediately, and thatâs okay. You need to be patient and give yourself time to improve. By 30 days, you should see significant improvement. Stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld calls this ânot breaking the chainâ. He would use this technique to help him write new material everyday. He would sit at his desk, spend some time writing new material and then put an âXâ on his calendar showing that he did his work for the day. He would do the same thing the next day and then draw another âXâ. By doing this over several days, he would see his long âchainâ of Xâs and this would motivate him to keep going, so that he doesnât break his chain. Duolingo is known for using this same concept of âstreaksâ. Iâve used this technique and it is very helpful and very rewarding.
Me being consistent with Duolingoâs streak feature.
You just need to show up, even when you donât want to, and just commit to the goal you choose. It wonât be fun and it wonât be glamorous. It will be very boring at the start but you will quickly getter better and this will motivate you more. Become consistent and then you will become motivated, not the other way around. Donât break the chain!
đĄđŤˇ3. Ignore what others think of you
When you choose to take control of your life, you will always face some resistance. Other people will see your changes and tell you things like âdonât work so hard, just take it easy,â or even discourage you saying that âyouâve changedâ. That is expected and thatâs your main goal; to change. And thatâs okay. Hereâs a harsh truth I learnt about life in my 20s:
People donât want the best for you. People want the version of you that best serves them. - Alex Hormozi
Hereâs an example: When you are a medical student, people may encourage you to study and work hard because they want you to succeed. While some people really do support you, most people just want to take advantage of you when you succeed. Once you graduate from medical school and become a doctor, the majority of people will be happy, not for you, but because they can try to use you to get free medical care and favours. The version of you that best serves them.
The truth is, most people will not be rooting for you. When people notice the changes youâre making in your life, they will secretly (or actively) be rooting against you, because by you changing, it makes them realize the changes they themselves are avoiding, so they discourage you to make them feel better about themselves. It sucks, but itâs true. Personally, the more resistance you get from others is a good sign that you are doing the right thing. No-one improves without the hate or resistance along the way. The resistance is just part of the process so donât be discouraged or dissuaded.
So to summarize, do these 3 things to become dangerous your life:
đJust make a start - it will not be perfect but you will readjust along the way. Most people donât ever start so you are ahead just by trying.
âď¸Donât break the chain - show up and do it again and again. It will be boring at first but with consistency you will improve and then you will end up motivated to continue, not the other way around.
đŤˇIgnore the haters - they will always say or judge whatever you do. So you might as well live a life you want, following your principles, rather than trying to impress others, which will make you miserable in the long run.
The sad thing is, most people will reach the end of this blog post, nod along to the points but then do nothing afterwards. I challenge you to find something in your life you want to change and just do these 3 things for one week and see what happens. Just 7 days. I wish you all the best and I hope this post helps point you in the direction to live the life youâve been putting off.
